Before you read, I need to clarify that "fear" in this post is not the fear of doing sins. Of course, we need to have fear of doing sins. We need to have that feeling.
Fear in this post refers to fear of making mistakes that are not a sin.
overcome your fear. you are not alone.
I called my friend who studies in US. As usual, we have a very long conversation. Talking to her can never be short because both of us love to share our stories.
So, there is a part of her story that is really inspiring.
"Adik, do you know that I'm too afraid of doing iceskating? For some people, it's just easy. But for me, it's just hard. I'm too scared. You know my condition right? Not as anyone else. I have some limitations"
*keep on listening*
"...you know I take a class for that. But as I said, I'm too scared. I can't do that for the first time. But you know what my teacher said? She stared deeply into my eyes and said, 'I can see your fear through your eyes. It's okay. Overcome your fear first, then come to the class'. And at that time, I cried. I cried. So I take some times and when I felt better, I went to the class again. And guess what? I can do it! Even though it's too slow. Like seriously, very slow. But the feeling was wonderful because at least I can start a move."
"Congratulations kaklong! You did it. You should cherish that."
"But not pro la adik."
"But at least, you try and you can start. That's great."
*I'm so happy for her*
"That is life adik. We have fear. But, if we don't overcome it, it'll haunt us. We can never take a step ahead if we don't want to start."
"But kaklong, still, we need time right? Overcoming fear is not as simple as saying move on, you can do it. Yes, we can do it but still it takes time. Really."
"Yup. You're right. We need time. I do take some times to start making a step ahead. It's okay. Take your time, but don't be too long."
I remembered I was asking my lecturer about phobia. She gave an example of people who has a phobia of spider. I was thinking it wasn't that horrible because it's only an animal. But then, my lecturer said, "you never know how intense the phobia is. It could be horrible you know."
At that time, I realized that we can never judge other's struggle and yes phobia can be too intense.
Also, I remembered my conversation with my housemate who loves to observe rather than talk and she's taking psychology as well.
"Hmm, I want to ask you a question. Things that have been done, cannot be undone. What about things that we have learned? Can we unlearned?"
"Yes. You can repress the memory."
"Emm. Okay I know. It's like during SPM, we learned add math, physics and stuffs but now if someone asks about it, I can't remember. ...but, it's about things that don't relate to emotions. What about things that related to emotions? Because I once read a journal regarding this. An emotional memory has a higher tendency to be remembered than memory that is not related to emotion."
"Things take time. Keep calm and give time to ourselves. With time, we grow and develop"
Time. Give yourself time.
Some people said, time heals. But, how long does it takes to heal is really depend on individuals. Some people just take a week or a month while others take years.
But at the first place, try.
Try to overcome the fear.