Story #1 : Judging

From the Reflection #2

"O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin..."
(Hujuraat :12)

I had a good conversation with my friend who is very far but close to my heart (Jauh di mata, dekat di hati gitu). We updated each other's situations and everything. And we were fighting (gaduh-gaduh manja gitu. Lol) Well, it's always happen when you got a friend who loves to talk while you are also love talking. Whatever it is, we still have a wonderful conversation like we used to have before.

"You don't understand!"
"I do understand you."
"You never know how it feels"
"And you don't know what I know."
"What do you know that I don't know?"

And finally we laughed because it's funny. This is what happen when you got a friend who always want to win and at the same time you want to win as well. Lololol.

"Okay, now let me tell you. I do understand..."
*the conversation went on...*

"Ok now, let us don't compare our struggles. You know, it's so hard to take into consideration every single thing. It's totally not good if we want to compare ourselves with others because everyone has their own opinions, behaviours, lifestyles, environments and everything is different. You know, the video I watched during PSYC2030 class is really a good reflection. Everyone is shaped by nature and nurture. Nature is what is inside us and nurture is the environment that influence us. Hmm, suddenly I feel like psychology is so hard because we deal with complex human beings. It's like no other creatures ever in this world is as complex as human. It's so tiring"

"And psychology also doesn't have any clear definition right?"

"Absolutely! Even the definition of psychology is also debatable up until now. Haih. So complex"

"Adik (she used to call me adik), kaklong (she calls herself as kaklong) thinks that you need to change your course. Haha. Look at me. At least I learn about bacteria. I don't have to deal with humans"

"Hahahah. No no no no. When you learn about bacteria, you need to learn about human too, right? You need to know how does the bacteria affects human"
*nak menang juga*

"Whatever adik. Hahha. Ok, back to our conversation. I just wanna tell you a story. You know in US, transgender is legal right?
Ok, this is a true story. There is a woman who has a very traumatic experience during her childhood. She got a father who always hit her mom. Because of love towards the husband, her mom stays. Until one day, her father hit her mom until she died..."

"Then, what happened?!"

"She grows up becoming so defensive towards herself. She lives in fear. She becomes a hateful person who always hit other people. She doesn't trust anyone. She doesn't change her gender but she behaves like a man and at the same time, she admits to people that she is a woman."

I was left speechless before continue talking.

"Hmm. That's why kaklong, sometimes we always tend to judge people when we don't even know what they have gone through. We never know that some people also have a traumatic experience during their childhood when they were sexually assaulted by their own family members. It must be horrible and really hard for them to trust anyone when they can't even trust their own family members. People only show what they wanted to show. And we always see things with our own perspectives and disregard others...
(Astaghfirullah) This is why kaklong, sometimes what is common sense to us is not a common sense to some people. We always said, 'it's common sense' but do we ever know that the way they grow up, the experience they have gone through have shaped them to be who they are today. You know kaklong, to tolerate everything in our life is sometimes unbearable. We need time for everything. Even to fight with our own self take a lifetime."

"Whatever it is adik. Allah is teaching us ikhlas throughout life experiences. Ikhlas means that you are willing to submit everything in His hands."

"But to achieve the level of ikhlas is definitely not easy."

"Of course, it's easy to say that. Even me myself also trying so hard"

It is always nice to have a conversation with her. Sharing stories about social issues, academic, sometimes politics, sometimes nonsenses (hahah) and everything are always good.

So what I learned from the conversation?
Never judge anyone until you know the whole story. Since you will never know the whole story because there are always things kept untold, it's easier not to judge. Maybe just listen and try to have empathy. And respect when people choose not to reveal their life story.

I learned this in psychology that we are all a poor judge and all people are different but the practical and theory never be the same.
So now, do you think psychology is easy? Think back. Maybe it's easy in the theory, but application is not as simple as that. I guess, same goes to other fields such as medicine, engineering, law, economics, sociology, TESL and etc.

I choose to  study psychology is to get to know myself better and to help myself first before others.
But, I really encourage people who are interested in psychology to take this course by heart because it worth learning it. We need more people to understand humans.

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